Communication 101 ( Monday Specials)

   

                        

           EYE CONTACT IN CONVERSATION.

Few months ago, I spoke to my friend on the phone. The truth is, we haven't seen each other for a long time. Our friendship was getting cold, the only surviving tool for reviving our friendship was the heartwarming messages we text to each other.The memories of what we used to be were drastically fading, like the mist of a breath on a mirror.

Anyway, fate smiled at us, we were going to meet, my heart skipped as he said these words “I just can't wait to see you”. In no time, we met. My countenance was beaming with excitement when I first saw his behind. I could hear my heart screaming 'gosh he has grown taller; I love it'. Without thinking, I rushed to him and hugged him from behind, we giggled like sillies. Not too long later, we decided to initiate a conversation, when suddenly his eyes dropped to his smartphone. I followed his gaze to my feet, we didn't say much, I felt disappointed.

In my opinion, “I can't wait to see you” is not dissimilar to “I can't wait to look you in the eye and talk to you”. Maintaining eye contact is essential in social skills. Having a conversation without eye contact affects people's perceptions about you; like a touch, eye contact sparks the release of oxytocin, which plays a role in social bonding, reproduction etc. It also triggers feelings of love and protection.

You will come across as a good listener when you look at your conversation partner constantly while they're speaking, it shows that you are attentive and interested in what is being said. This does not only show confidence, it also tells people that you respect them.

However, it is important to maintain “a sizable amount of eye contact”, it is as good as a cherry on a cool cup of ice-cream.

The eyes speak volumes if it's not appropriately used your intentions may be misread, people around you think you are rude or condescending, in some cultures like in East Asian they disapprove of long gaze and will only appreciate sporadic eye contact.

I have learnt lately that keeping your eyes fixed on someone is a choice. It is voluntarily, in other words, you can decide to attentively look at someone and ignore the jarring feelings within if you choose to.

It is bad how some individuals will gracefully talk to you behind their sunglasses to avoid direct eye contact, little did they know that it's very unacceptable!

Communication happens with the eyes not when you have your eyes behind shades or covers. You may wear sunglasses for different reasons but ensure that you put off your shades in a conversation.  It's a kind act of respect, and it shows sincerity that you have nothing to hide.      

                           How To Maintain Eye contact In a Conversation

Practicing proper eye contact and other body language skills can refine your communication skills. You may feel jittery at first, but here's a quick tip for that: ignore your emotions and relax.

The following are basic ways you can improve on maintaining eye contact during a conversation;

1. Sustain eye contact: before you start talking, ensure that you look at your partner and maintain it at a regular pace. If you want to look away after you might have finished a statement, does it slowly like you are very reluctant to look away from him/her?

2. Draw an imaginary shape on their face: for social settings, draw an inverted triangle by looking at their eyes down to their nose and then mouth.

3. Use the 50/70 rule: look at them 50 percent of the time when speaking and 70 percent of the time when listening to them

-Ayomide

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